Midweek vs Octonauts
Author: Ockers
Match Report |
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Cricket has gone through many iterations over the years. From Test Matches, Four day games, One day games, 20/20, The Hundred, LMS, Kwik cricket, even back yard cricket. We can now add another form to the list - Turdball. We arrived at the wicket to find standing water sludge for a crease. Imagine an underdone creme brûlée. Even with the application of copious amounts of sawdust, sludge squirted from under foot at the lightest touch. Local youths doing wheelies on their bikes jeered from the road - ‘cricket’s shit’ etc. If they thought cricket was shit they should have stuck around for Turdball.. The basic premise of Turdball is that it’s practically impossible to do anything well. The ball is wet, slippery and pink. The pitch a treacherous bog. The light is fading and the skipper is Brooksey. Long hops get tamely scooped to fielders, and good balls on a length somehow disappear over cow. Averages suffer. I’m not going to bore you with the figures, largely because I haven’t got them and I’ve forgotten nearly all of the game already. They posted a competitive 150 odd. Brooksey then decided to choose the batting line up at random and so it was that Beedle would not only open the bowling but also the batting. The Octonauts bowled well, clearly having played their own version of Turdball a number of times. Putney started slowly, and never really got going. The sight of anguish on the ever classy Amogh’s face after playing a beautiful cover drive for one and being chastised from the boundary by his visiting Indian pals drinking spirits egged on by Tush will stay with me for some time. Batsmen came and went, and we eventually fell short. Turdball will not be the next big thing in sport, and I hope to never play it again. A Tuesday evening spent with the Putney lads however just about made it worth it. Just. |
Date | Time | Team | Opposition | Location | Putney | Opposition | Result | Scores | Points | Toss |
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04/06/2019 | 6.15pm | Midweek | Octonauts | H | 125/4 | 157/7 | L | 0 |