Saturday 1s vs Horley
Author: Lewis 'Gerald' Hill
Match Report |
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It’s fair to say that previous encounters between the Putney 1st XI and Horley have been less than classic spectacles. Our most recent away trip in 2017 saw us slump to 11-5 inside the first 10 overs. But things have changed since then. We have been promoted, new players have joined and perhaps most importantly, our batsmen have learned to hold a bat the right way up. Saad made three changes to the line-up. Sheva came in and bolstered the middle order, Hugo added another bowling option and I returned to the team because someone had to write the match report. There could have been a fourth change too, but GP opted to soldier on with a broken hand he injured playing football midweek. I reminded him of the sage advice he gave me last year after I broke my ankle: “Never play football during the cricket season.” Saad continued his fine tradition of losing the toss and Horley sent us into bat. Hopey and Rich opened, starting brightly. Hopey – Putney’s answer to a budget Tyson Fury – played some expansive shots, while Rich adopted a more conservative approach. Rich’s approach paid dividends. His ability to stay in on a pitch that kept low more often than it bounced is no doubt testament to years of playing in England’s backwater, that lesser known realm called Wales. Meanwhile, Hopey’s approach did not pay off. He was out for 10. Andy strode into bat at three and formed a nice partnership with Rich. They added over 50 runs to our tally before Andy departed the crease, bowled by Horley’s wily (read: slow) off spinner. Rich soon followed, finishing with 44 to his name. A brief middle order collapse left Saad and childhood friend Sheva at the crease. Together, they added vital runs which kept the scoreboard ticking over. Yet old habits die hard and Saad once again decided to make himself the subject of derision by running out Sheva. The tail barely wagged before we were cleaned up by Horley’s ginger all-rounder – a player so arrogant he makes Kanye West seem humble. We ended 144 all out and sensed that we were 30 or 40 runs light. Tea was superb – a true Surrey special. The corned beef sandwiches and a plate full of “Northern food” were the real highlights. Surrey’s opening spell with the ball was unfortunately cut short by an ankle injury. However, GP was on fire, steaming in from the Sam Furber… sorry I mean the Gary Peters End. The bails went flying early in his spell before a string of LBW decisions were turned down. “Oh mercy!” he cried after the third LBW appeal was denied, but he finally trapped his man on the fourth time of asking with Horley’s openers departing the field with ducks. An inspired bowling change saw Hugo enter the fray and claim an early wicket. Cue the first of many Saad huddles which seem to have been designed to teach us basic arithmetic. “Three down guys, just seven good balls needed!” To his credit, Horley’s number three (the aforementioned arrogant ginger all-rounder) stuck around and played some nice shots on the off side. But midway through his innings, he seemed to lose concentration. He asked his mum (stood on the boundary) for the time because he had to leave at 18:30 for a night out. The prospect of an early finish, a night out at an underage discotheque and some celebratory blue VKs ultimately proved to be his undoing. He edged a Hugo’s out swinger to Andy and departed the field, flicking the bails in anger. Another Hugo wicket, cue another maths lesson. “Four down guys, just six more to go.” Bon Jovi himself hosted the third huddle of the afternoon after Saad claimed his first wicket: “Guys, we’re halfway there, they’re not.” However at this point, Horley had scored 72 runs. They were EXACTLY half way there. The match was finely poised, but by no means were we livin’ on a prayer. Benjamin Franklin said that “nothing is certain but death and taxes.” Well, we should add “Saad clearing up the tail” to that list because once again his variations proved too much for the lower order. In the end, Horley finished 106 all out and Putney claimed their second 20 point haul of the season. Key takeaways: • Hugo’s spell of bowling was delightful and he fully deserved his man of the match award. Unusually, the highlight of the spell was a perfectly timed Piers Jackson fart which arrived wet and loud at the precise moment Hugo entered his delivery stride. Safe to say, the cordon was in stitches. • The final wicket of the day typically signals some pleasantries with the umpires and opposition, before the team packs away the sight screens, boundary markers etc. But Saad had other ideas. He demanded an unprecedented FOURTH huddle! At this point readers, I completely tuned out, so cannot recall what was said. Rich, however, took matters one step further. He physically removed himself from the huddle and ended up looking like Ashley Cole in a Roma FC team photo. |
Date | Time | Team | Opposition | Location | Putney | Opposition | Result | Scores | Points | Toss |
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25/05/2019 | 1pm | Saturday 1st | Horley | H | 144/10 | 106/10 | W | 0 |