Sunday 1s vs Barnes Common
Author: Tormund
Match Report |
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Sunday cricket. Go to the wrong ground, lose the toss, and don’t give a plum LBW first ball. Don’t be Gus and bowl long hops and no balls to a ton-maker. Or piss in the bush longer than a 16-year-old popping his cherry. Be like Scull King. Bowl seven overs, four maidens. Concede 12 runs. Don’t stop there. Be a Sponge. Take four wickets, lose £160 glasses in the bush. Don’t drop sitters, Brooksey. Be an Aussie, take two catches and a run out. Don’t drop another sitter, Oliver. Take a catch Julian, but only after you see it two yards from you. Have tea. Don’t be a (former) prick: “I hate LMS as much as I hate WhatsApp groups.” Be Gus and give not-out to a plum LBW first ball in a 260-run chase. Don’t be Oliver and waste a second chance, and get bowled two balls later. Be me. Hit five sixes, seven fours, run out a club stalwart, show Sponge how to really soak his bat but get bowled on 92. Don’t support your team-mates Adam with touch-wood phrases. Get bowled first ball. Keep being an Aussie Jo’siah. Hit your first six (ever) and two more, and bat to the end. Don’t be Barnes and moan about foreign players. We’re taking over, mate. Take the game to the final over. Swing hard, but sacrifice your wickets for the greater good. Don’t leave it to Scull King to hit two sixes off the last two balls. Do shake hands, leave, speak of what could’ve been. Drink *in a Kiwi accent* kat puss. Don’t speak of daughters. Tormund. ---- DDJ: Adam – for being a century maker’s jinx. Prick. MPSGAFKACMSTBMOTD: Julian – taking a catch after only seeing it 2 yards from him. Thanks for coming: Oliver. See above. MoM: Jo’siah, two catches, a run out, a wicket and 92* |
Date | Time | Team | Opposition | Location | Putney | Opposition | Result | Scores | Points | Toss |
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19/05/2019 | 1pm | Sunday 1st | Barnes Common | A | 253/9 | 259/10 | L | 0 |